It’s also dirty money business but I need money. I have not been given support or money from my ex-family for past two years..
for that, I’m sorry guys.
to my fans and Korra fans, I know you have every right to be disappointed in me. but I can’t do it. I need to deal with my problems. only one way to do it is through money. so as of result, I applied for VE which stands for Vivid Entertainment, an porn business and other businesses. I have to do it so I can pay for my bills and for my things to be dealt with. It’s also dirty money business but I need money. I have not been given support or money from my ex-family for past two years.. I know that for the fact I might lose what it has made me into. but I need this to get out of my old life and start my new life.
for that, I’m sorry guys.
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as I remain knocked out cold for 11 hours, I come to. realizing my errors and my actions that have cost me too much of valuable time few years ago back. I know that I cannot undo what was already done. it was too late. I struggle to reach my past memories of a time long ago, a time when I was most happiest. even ones with my mother. but I really don't remember it at all. it's as if my memories of that past is locked or blocked. I have no idea why. I try so hard every day to remember, but I cannot even remember it. on that day I became so fearful of failing my chance at independence life on my own in a city far from my mother. I really was so afraid of not knowing how would I deal with it myself alone or with my boyfriend Daniel. the truth is.. I'm afraid of not being able to have a chance at life, I so respectfully wish to have. and that's to become a woman, to have all joys and pain, sadness of what girls would experience. even marriage. I hope I do have that chance to see it happen in my life. as part of my goals in life. I'm so helpless to help myself and to save myself from poverty. with my life at stake, I applied for job at Target in the Puyallup Area in hopes to get little bit of money that I can build up in a month or two so that I can move to California to have a new life. I learned that today I was not hired. so I cannot find any good deaf jobs that could help me to get to my goal in due time soon as possible. I even have tried all odd job search to see if I could find a hourly money rate that would help in long run. so far, here are none at all. I wish it will end so I can work to make my life better without hitting the poverty. I hated going back to poverty. I went through that too much twice. it hurt me really hard and changed me. I will not let this happen to me for third time. all I can do is to pray and hope that I get through this. somehow... I have no one else to ask for help. even I know that i might not get any help at all.
through the darkness of my life.. I am now the Avatar of my Destiny, I shall see to it that I help everyone. be it a stranger or family member, the deed will be done. and so it is done. I leave behind my past life and looking forward to my new life without any connections to my past. I meditate, looking to my past selfs and future selfs. seeking their advices in any given situation, may it be dangerous or normal. no matter what, I will resolve the issue myself in any situation. I follow in steps of my Mentor, my Heroine.. Korra. facing down enemies, I will fight to protect people from harm or danger that might be coming to them. I rely on my strength and my brain to fight and outsmart foes. even I know it might cost me my life and everything I have worked so hard for. so it will be done at all costs to make sure everyone gets out safely. I will still fight even if I’m tied up or chained. no matter what, I will not be restrained. I’m prepared to fight for the cause, because I believe in and for betterment of our Humanity. I’d like to see the Balance and Harmony brought back to our Planet. make our World a better place for our kids. because I have my Boyfriend Daniel. that i look forward seeing him in person and eventually get married to have kids with him. he’s my Mako in real life.
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Cassandra SaturnLife StrugglesThis blog of Hers, Life Struggles are about her life in her view, point of view. are also about her thoughts on all kinds of matters in her life.
it is also her Journal Blog. Comments are welcome, but I ask for civil and clean comments please. this Journal is now NSFW too. Archives:
October 2015
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