I admit that I'm actually crying when it happened so fast in split second. one wrong mistake could have meant the end of me.
~ Cassandra Saturn
I just had other argument with my ex-mother today and it almost turned into life or death situation for me, the broken pieces of plate was used against me in attempt to injure me. luckily, I turned tables on her and pushed her away from me, I used strong vocal response against her, the situation was defused quickly as possible. somehow I was able to prevent it from happening so fast. so much that it left me shaken up and scared, afraid. I admit that I'm actually crying when it happened so fast in split second. one wrong mistake could have meant the end of me. yet I'm so angry at the fact it almost put my life on the line again since the events of that night which my whole ex-family did attempted murder on me back then.. it still left behind that memory of that night along with my scar.. but I'm survivor. I just have to fight for my life if something serious happens to me. right now, I'm happy and peaceful to not let something like that stop me from doing what I need to do for myself. so right now I will be asking my friends if they will let me move in with them just so that I can move out and no longer live here at the ex-family house anymore. so it's all wait and see. I certainly hope I'll be able to do it soon as possible before any more incidents like that happened.
~ Cassandra Saturn
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i had argument with my ex-mother few hours ago, just recently, she stole my power unit line i use for heater in my room to sleep. i slapped her for what she did. -_- I mean, really? I can't believe she actually did that to me. it just proves that she is not kind of my mother I have always said she is not. Cassandra's Feelings EnragedI'm so enraged, I feel like blasting someone with my fire AngryI'm so angry, I feel like slapping someone hard in face MeditatingI'm meditating, so I feel better and relaxed, peaceful ScaredI'm so scared, I feel alone and afraid ConfidentI'm confident and so cocky, stubborn. CryingI'm crying, because I'm hurt and sad, feel helpless yet powerless to do something that has happened. SurvivorI'm survivor, because I survived against all odds and made it out alive. I will be fine and okay. even today... it pains me when I see myself in mirror, I see myself crying badly without realizing I was actually crying because I have been hurt over the years.. I look at myself with my own hands, I see tears running like crazy on my face. I wipe it away and put on my brave face to continue my day or night despite that I'm still stuck in this life, I got no one I can turn to for help or ask. I'm actually so afraid to ask strangers to help me out, I even know the change is scary experience for me.. but I want to be strong. to be strong for my own life I want to start anew in my first chapter of my new life. I wish and hope my experience will serve as reminder that you can do anything once you set your mind to it. but that's not possible without money. but I think it will also serve as lesson for future generations who will realize that money is not best choice of life to keep around, but use entirely different system to get by in life. |
Cassandra SaturnLife StrugglesThis blog of Hers, Life Struggles are about her life in her view, point of view. are also about her thoughts on all kinds of matters in her life.
it is also her Journal Blog. Comments are welcome, but I ask for civil and clean comments please. this Journal is now NSFW too. Archives:
October 2015
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