for now, most of issues I have hidden underneath the layer is pretty well kept under guard and will not risk exposing myself being conflicted by those issues I never want to discuss about the most or talked about.
as for a what-if situation "Scenarios"
if I had escaped from my specially made cell after I was captured by my captors, I'd fight hard and brutally to safetry. even in spite of my beliefs, I must kill to protect myself.
as for my ex family members, they're simply for disarming them. but what happens if I can't be able to disarm them? they get themselves killed by me. it's fact of life, this one is what i called "Fight or Die" response, others call it "Fight or Flight" response or a "Play Dead or Run" response.
the thought of dead ex family members laying here, with blood on my hands scares me and causes me nightmares. because it's true that it could actually happen at any given time if I was being cornered and pressured into killing to protect myself.
I hope for best that my life will be better in due time.